The Poultry United is a peacekeeping platoon whose main mission is to cease or prevent conflicts among birds all around the globe. Their missions include 1978 prevention of the genocide of the pink flamingos that was planned by Fredonnement Rouge, the notorious rebel hummingbirds and dislocation of the 500 000 Transylvanian emus from the captivity of the cold-blooded common sparrows. Those are not easy tasks. They require everyday discipline, physical drill, rapid cognition training, flawless lines of communication and attractive chicks. For after hours. Our main protagonists are John, Francois, Hans and Vladimir, but they are not the only ones… So, a day looks something like this.
Every morning, the platoon is awaken by the loud and proud alarm. Francois with his full heart yells libertÃ©, Ã©galitÃ©, fraternitÃ©, as any proud French rooster would… and gets a hit, right in the eye.
Physical activity is a great way to start the day! Canadian soldier Petite John is skillful with hockey sticks, others with football.
Then, there is a morning inspection. Sargeant John, as a platoon commander, using various physical and mental techniques,Â works on the moral and the discipline of the unit. He informs the unit of the latest appearances and discount sales of weapons of mass destruction. Then finishes the morning routine with checking if the equipment is up to date and ready for action. The platoon unplugs the ears.
The troops are then off to their regular duty, putting their lives in danger by carefully monitoring sides involved in a conflict from their trenches and bunkers, but only in the halftimes of the Champions League.
John, on the other hand, takes care of more serious things, planning, organizing and playing Risk. Doctor Hans educates Poultry of the health dangers, has one on one therapeutic sessions or looks for discount for 6 weeks or longer all inclusive vacations. Vladimir’s trying to cure the hangover by shortening or eliminating the pauses between drinks. This all might sound like a dull and boring activity, but some missions are quite dangerous, some soldiers even fall in the line of duty! It is usually Phoenix, though. Does that really count?
In the afternoon, soldiers do their extra curriculum activities. If not drunk, Vladimir invents a revolutionary machine, or two.
Hans and Francois go over interavian current affairs and latest euro jet-set gossips … Being hit by high gasoline costs, John analyzes energy alternatives or contemplates changing the career: “A superhero, perhaps?! But only with an early retirement option…”
An evening relaxation takes place in the Liquid Nest, a bar where, after the long day of peacekeeping, involved sides and the peacekeepers sit together for a drink or few. The waitress is long legged ostrich Nora, attractive but shy. John usually throws a few inappropriate comment about her legs, she blushes and sticks her head in the hole. “Nothing worse then a shy waitress!” Vladimir gets nervous. Francois saves the evening again by whispering a few “la amour” phrases to Nora’s ear. John, one more time, is not the favorite guy of the night.
Somebody would say, hey, who did they save today? Well, they saved their asses! And if you are a bird that needs to be saved, you better enlist… now.
“Hey, what about us, what about our day?”
Dudes, your day is just too long to write about.